Trying something new. There is both a written version and video version of this post. Take your pick! The video version is available here (I recommend that version for extra fun and also a cute dog).

I told my writing group that if I ever did a “HIGMA” post, it was going to be kinda unserious and have this as the table of contents:

1. Oh, Sweet Summer Child
2. Nine Circles of Hell
3. The Glory of Bread
4. Screaming Into the Void
5. Please Kill Me Quicker: A Ghost Story
6. It’s Been 84 Years
7. The Finer Points of Ritualistic Unicorn Sacrifice
8. The Bread Rises

Now, I don’t want to be a liar, so I will be following this. This post is, tbh, less about how I got an agent and more about how I handled my mental health and the emotional toll of querying. Spoiler alert: I got an agent by cold querying, luck, and timing.

Chapter 1: Oh, Sweet Summer Child

After 10 years of not writing due to grad school & grad school recovery, I wrote my first full-length novel, a 110k word sci-fi. (And then, for fun, I wrote 2 sequels.) We’ll call this one Manuscript #1.

I had no idea how publishing worked. I didn’t know any other writers. I googled how to get published and learned about a thing called literary agents. Easy enough, right?

My mom and my best friend read my query letter and said it looked fine. Friends and family were my beta readers. Absolutely no one read or critiqued my synopsis at all. I was totally ready! And I started sending out my first queries! I was absolutely going to get an agent immediately!!

Chapter 2: Nine Circles of Hell

Fun fact: the first ever query rejection I got was on my birthday!

Over the course of the next 9 months descending into query hell, I sent a whopping 25 queries. Toward the end, I was dragging myself to send out 1 query at the start of each month.

Early on, I got what I thought was a personalized rejection. Based on that feedback, I deleted my entire first chapter, rewrote it from scratch 3 or 4 times, and sent out the new materials. I later learned that was a form rejection. Same wording the agent used for everyone.

Once, I got a request for first 20 pages from an agent who asked for only query letter up front. That’s the closest I ever got to a request.

I had no idea what I was getting into, I did it entirely solo with no writing community, and I ended up heartbroken and devastated and I didn’t want to write anymore.

Chapter 3: The Glory of Bread

I participated in #RevPit in 2022 and enjoyed interacting with other writers via Twitter. I participated in #RevPit in 2023 and that time, I joined a discord server with a handful of other applicants.

Reader, that saved me. That handful of people grew into a tight-knit community of writers who are universally supportive, who know firsthand what querying is and the toll it takes, who go around posting inexplicable baguette emojis in response to things on social media, and who I’m fairly certain some people think are in a bread cult. (Other folks during pitch events: “The bread people are at it again…”) I would not have an agent, I may not even still be writing, if not for my bread cult though.

That same year, I began querying my next book (which we shall call Manuscript #2), and having people who understood what I was going through was so radically different than my first lonely, heartbreaking experience with querying. Instead of every rejection feeling like “your book sucks and you should give up writing,” every rejection became “well, that agent made a poor decision to miss the amazing opportunity of repping my book.”

Chapter 4: Screaming Into the Void

An interlude to say: I don’t want this to sound like querying was an absolute blast and the most fun I’ve had in my life. As nice as my community and adjusted outlook was, querying still dragged on. I still had times where it was 2 AM and I was just rambling to absolutely no one, in whatever space I could, to get out my worry that EVERY agent was going to make the poor decision to miss the amazing opportunity to rep ANY of my books. I regularly asked myself why I was bothering with all of this (publishing, querying, writing in general).

Chapter 5: Please Kill Me Quicker: A Ghost Story

Finally, finally, I got my first full request! I was ecstatic! Someone wanted to read my book!

So, I sent it off right away and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And I got another full request, which I also sent off right away.

And waited.

And waited.

And after the appropriate amount of time passed, I nudged.

And waited.

And waited.

Not going to call out specific agents or anything here (they’re busy & I have no idea what other things were going on in their work and lives), but if you are an author who’s been ghosted:

I see you. I feel you. I’m sorry you experienced that. It’s absolutely shattering to go from that pure, bright thrill of getting a request to the dark abyss of never getting a response.

A moment of silence for those fulls. R.I.P.

Chapter 6: It’s Been 84 Years

I set a goal of getting 100 rejections on Manuscript #2. I at least succeeded at hitting that goal, even if I hadn’t succeeded at getting an agent. (I count CNRs towards that goal… About 60% were rejection replies, 40% were CNRs. I CNR at 84 years days max for all queries, which sometimes stays a CNR and sometimes turns into a reply rejection later on, but at least clears my QT dashboard and opens a spot in my list for a new query to go out.)

While I wasn’t as devastated and heartbroken as I had been when I stopped querying my first book, it was disappointing. I’d truly thought this one was THE one.

I didn’t officially shelve it. I still had a few outstanding queries. I’d also sent it to some small presses. But I decided those could all simmer, and I’d move on to the next thing. Publishing moves so slowly, and I am NOT a patient person.

I started querying my next next book (which we shall creatively title Manuscript #3). Is it a great idea to query a new book when you haven’t technically closed out querying the last one? I don’t know. Embrace the chaos. Why not? (And a whopping 3 months into querying MS #3, I also started making my list and putting together my query materials for the next next next book, MS #4. Did I mention I’m impatient?)

And then I was chosen for a mentorship and we worked on my not-quite-shelved MS #2. When my mentor and I finished working together, I sent out a handful of new queries for that book even though I was still actively querying MS #3.

So, when the time came, I had some long-standing fulls still out on Manuscript #2 and also a couple fulls and a partial out for Manuscript #3 (along with 30-odd queries), and my handful of new queries for Manuscript #2, and ya’ll, my Query Tracker is a mess. (But I regret nothing. It all worked out in the end! I did withdraw some manuscripts still out after I made my decision, because I felt the agent I went with was a better fit that those would be regardless of their answer.)

Chapter 7: The Finer Points of Ritualistic Unicorn Sacrifice

In my writing group, whenever someone has a promising full request or sends off a query to a dream agent, we do candle emoji circles and manifest the best outcome. But candles aren’t everything, and we have a running joke (let’s call it a joke) that you need the blood of a sacrificed unicorn to have your shot at publishing.

So, if you came reading this HIGMA post looking for the magical secret to getting an agent and getting published, here’s what I’ve got for you: find a unicorn to sacrifice. (Oh, my entirely unrealistic imaginary advice isn’t what you hoped for?)

Here’s the thing: I think I wrote a decent book. I personally love my book. (I love all my books.) And I know my agent loves my book. But let’s be entirely real: I didn’t get an agent because I’m the world’s greatest writer or because I made the prettiest moodboard during a pitch event or because I was way better at the query game than others. I got an agent in large part because of luck, chance, and a “right time, right place, right set of eyes” alignment of the cosmos.

In fact, my lovely agent, who I truly think is the best possible champion I could have for this book, was not even a literary agent when I started my querying journey. If I’d given up just a little bit sooner, she would never have read it.

I’ve been a beta reader and critique partner for many writers who have absolutely blown me away with their incredible writing, characters, and worldbuilding… And some of those people have shelved those books. Some have self-published. Some are still in the trenches. A very small number have gotten agents. It’s not that they don’t have amazing books and wonderful stories to tell. The stars just haven’t aligned. No mythical creatures have been available to be sacrificed on the altar of the publishing gods under the twelfth full moon of spring while the sun is in retrograde.

Chapter 8: The Bread Rises

I originally wasn’t planning to share my specific query stats, but some folks have told me seeing the numbers can help them, so here they are:

My caveat of sharing those numbers above is that every query journey is different, and knowing the numbers behind mine won’t tell you anything about what yours is going to look like.

So instead, I’ll tell you genuinely what got me here and absolutely can shape your query journey: other people. We often think of writing as a solitary activity, but the best versions of our writer selves come out when we involve others.

I wrote a book, but beta readers, critique partners, and my mentor helped me make it shine. I wrote a query letter and synopsis, but other writers’ feedback and query critique swaps helped sharpen them. I received rejection after rejection, but my bread friends helped keep despair from overwhelming me. I wanted to give up on this book altogether, but when I burst into tears on the phone with my mom, she told me that she would keep believing in my book until I was ready to believe in it again. I very nearly did not send the query to the amazing person who is now my agent because I thought I missed my chance, but my writing group convinced me to shoot my shot anyway.

So, if you are in the query trenches or you’re going to start querying, I cannot say this enough: find people to support you and uplift you. Writers, we are not in competition with each other. We are the only people who truly understand the querying experience, and to quote Andrea Gibson: Sometimes, the most healing thing to do / is remind ourselves over and over and over / Other people feel this too.